Christmas Eve

Just about every year for the past 18 years I've gone to my (now ex) in-law's house for dinner and gifts. Since I wasn't going to be traveling anywhere, I decided to take my ex-mil's invitation and still go this year. The ex and his s/o were there, and it was a bit strained between us at times, but all in all I'm glad I went. They're family, and even if I can't take very much of them, I still care about them. I enjoyed seeing my sister-in-law and her kids, and the baby. Having a couple of glasses of wine while I was there certainly didn't hurt.

Missing Chief continued...

Today's the fifth anniversary of my grandfather Chief's death. It's always a sad time of year for me. I miss him terribly.

My oldest dog Bear was born the same day he died - although I didn't find this out until after I already had him. I've often said Chief sent Bear to keep me from missing him so much. Caring for Bear and watching him grow into the beast he is now definitely helped me get past those first hard months after Chief's death.

I don't know that I believe in transmigration, but I do know that we're all made of energy, and energy is never destroyed - simply redistributed. So maybe some small part of Chief's energy got redistributed into Bear... it's a nice thought anyways.

Semester's almost over

Thankfully there's only one day left in this semester. It's been one of the most stressful to date, but not because of classes. I let all of my personal and health issues interfere with getting my school work done - even though I had plenty of time, and could easily have been way ahead in my studies.

I have a tendency to do this during any semester, but I was particularly bad about it this time. I will be happy to squeak a C out of one of these classes. This is not acceptable, and will not happen again. I only have 21 hours left to take, 15 if I pass both classes this semester. I have to pull it together and finish strong. I've worked too hard at maintaining my GPA above 3.5 to let it go to shit now.

On a happier note... my pups are all going to stay with me for good. For once the ex has made a reasonable, rational decision. Now if he'd just get out of my hair and go back to New Mexico.

I had a sh**ty f***ing day!

And I just want to whine and cry about it. But I don't have the time because I need to study the shit I haven't been studying enough, for the test I'm not prepared for that I have to take tomorrow. And I had a damn headache all day, and they tested the fire alarms for a solid 15 minutes at work, and I had one chat with a moron that lasted 2.5 hours, yes 2.5 hours. And another one with an even bigger moron that lasted 1.5 hours, during which he asked the same 3 questions over and over in different ways - two of which I couldn't answer, no one could answer, because they're subjective damn questions. I was so frustrated I wanted to cry by the time I finally got the asshole off my screen.

So I'm bitching up a storm and whining my ass off to no one and everyone because I want to scream and break shit and this seems like the cheaper, less messy alternative.

Time to move forward

"Cause yesterday don't mean shit
What's over is over and nothing between
Yesterday don't mean shit
Because tomorrow's the day you have to face"

Pantera

My puppies are home!

One bright spot for me lately is that the two dogs my ex took with him when he left are back home with me. The ex is back in town, and his accommodations aren't sufficient to keep a 100 lb and a 60 lb dog. His intention is to leave them here temporarily until he has a place for them. My intention is they're staying here for good. He's just not stable enough to take care of them properly. And I fully intend to use any and all means possible to keep them here.

It'll be a few months before he leaves town again. Until then I'll just enjoy having my pups around again, and will try not to worry about what's going to happen when he leaves.

Addictions come in all shapes and sizes

I've become addicted to my online world. I've gotten so wrapped up in it that it's affecting my daily life, my school, my work. I'm getting depressed, in part because of things happening with people I know almost solely from an online community.

I've met many local people online who are now my close friends, so it's not all bad. However, when it's affecting my wellbeing to the extent that it has been recently, the good no longer outweighs the bad.

I've decided to take a break from it. I'll still check messages, but for the most part I intend to stay offline until at least the end of the semester. I have to regain some perspective and refocus on my life here in the present.