These will be my first Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays as a single person in 18 years. I guess I didn't think it would bother me this much, but the closer the holidays get the more I feel alone.
I'll be seeing the ex sometime soon, and I'm both dreading and looking forward to it. I dread it because I'm afraid he'll be able to tell how I'm feeling and will feel sorry for me, or worse think I miss him and am pining for him. I look forward to it, because I look fabulous compared to the last time he saw me. Even in my current state of melancholy, I'm happier than I was when I was with him. I'm definitely healthier - and over 20 pounds lighter.
It's not just the holidays... I've been distracting myself from facing the fact that I may be alone for a while. But I can't avoid this reality any longer. It's possible that I may be alone for many months, even years - perhaps for the rest of my life. Even if it's not likely, it's possible, and I need to come to peace with that possibility. Otherwise, I'll never truly be happy.
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