Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Friday, October 26, 2007
It was a laproscopic surgery, so there's just 4 small incisions, and one is in my bellybutton. I'm really sore around the incisions, but other than that, no discomfort. So far I haven't even had trouble with the gas that they said I might.
So now I get to sit around my house on painkillers for the next couple of weeks while I heal up. Probably a good time to catch up on my reading for my classes, but I'm working on putting together a portfolio to apply for a staff photographer position at an animal sanctuary instead. It's a big change, and it scares me, but everything tells me I should go for it - so I am.
Monday, October 22, 2007
While I am surprisingly calm about the procedure, I found myself thinking today about who would tell my online friends if something were to happen. They'd have no idea for days, weeks maybe. I'd just stop posting. Some may wonder where I'm at, but most would quickly forget about me.
The mind is a funny thing, isn't it?
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Ending a 17 year relationship isn't like flipping a switch... He was such a huge part of my life, and now he's gone. Even though things weren't that great toward the end, they weren't horrible either. There were still good times, even then. And I still love him. That's not to say I want to be married to him - I don't - but I do still love him.
Monday, October 1, 2007
Saturday would have been my 17th anniversary, and it has hit me a little harder than I imagined it would. I was fine Saturday because I kept busy with friends, but yesterday and today have been difficult. I'm just so conflicted right now. In so many ways I am much happier now than I was when I was married. But there are things about it I miss so much. I miss the physical contact - and I'm not talking about sex (although I do miss that too). Mostly I miss the safety and comfort of having his arms around me when I really needed a hug. I miss cuddling on the couch watching movies. I miss knowing that there was someone waiting at home for me.
I thought I had a partner to share the rest of my life with, and it's the loss of that security that I'm mourning as much as anything else. And the loss of one of my best friends. The worst part of it is that the person who would normally hold me and comfort me in times like this, is the reason I feel this way in the first place.