Saturday would have been my 17th anniversary, and it has hit me a little harder than I imagined it would. I was fine Saturday because I kept busy with friends, but yesterday and today have been difficult. I'm just so conflicted right now. In so many ways I am much happier now than I was when I was married. But there are things about it I miss so much. I miss the physical contact - and I'm not talking about sex (although I do miss that too). Mostly I miss the safety and comfort of having his arms around me when I really needed a hug. I miss cuddling on the couch watching movies. I miss knowing that there was someone waiting at home for me.
I thought I had a partner to share the rest of my life with, and it's the loss of that security that I'm mourning as much as anything else. And the loss of one of my best friends. The worst part of it is that the person who would normally hold me and comfort me in times like this, is the reason I feel this way in the first place.
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