Funny things expectations...

They rarely work out the way you think they will. Which is why it's best not to have them at all. Unfortunately, I have the kind of mind that can't help but think and plan and dream ahead. I always build up expectations in my mind, little scenarios of what might happen. And things almost never work out the way I imagined.

It's not always a bad thing, but when it is I sometimes get unreasonably upset about it. It's as if I'm mourning for something that never existed, and probably never would have existed. I've had one of these recently, and that combined with the shortening of the days, the coming of the holidays, and who knows how many other factors, have all combined to put me in a very melancholy frame of mind.

I'm feeling the lack of a companion pretty fiercely these days. I know I will find someone eventually - I do know this. It just seems as if there are so many overwhelming barriers in the way. Half of them I've put up myself because I'm not willing to settle this time around.

I want Mr. Right. And he'll be vegan, intelligent, compassionate, considerate, funny, silly, and madly in love with me. The trick is finding him. And I know from experience that when you're looking too hard for something, you can look right past it - or worse, convince yourself you've found something you haven't.

So I'm plugging along, doing my best to be patient and just let things happen as they will... but I'm still lonely. I don't want to be. I want to be strong and independent - someone who doesn't need anyone. But my heart just wants someone to love, and to be loved by. Pathetic.