A Social Life?

It would seem I'm beginning to have one. So much so that I neglected my studying all weekend. My friends Patrick and Phillip came by to celebrate Patrick's birthday Friday night - and I drank too much beer.

Then Saturday night I went to a party with a bunch of vegan freaks, and drank too much beer again! I gotta quit with all this beer drinking. It is not conducive to the studying I need to be doing.

Add to that my generally distracted state these days, and I'm afraid I'm going to end up with another B if I don't get my stuff together here.

Missing Chief

I've been thinking about my grandfather a lot lately. He died in December 2002. It wasn't completely unexpected, but it was quicker than I expected. He was much more ill than I realized, and his death caught me by surprise.

He was a hunter and a fisherman, and fall always brings thoughts of him to mind. Camping with Chief as a child gave me a reverence of nature, and ingrained in me the importance of conservation. Watching summer thunderstorms with him from the front porch of their old house left me with a lifelong love of storms, and a fascination with nature's awesome power.

He was a great man, and I loved him more than I was ever able to tell him. I'm grateful that I had him in my life for so long, and that he went quickly once his body began to fail him.

I feel him with me at times when walking in quiet places. I imagine him striding along with me on legs once again strong, but he's always just outside of my peripheral vision. Sometimes I hear his voice speaking to me in its deep rich timbre, but I can never quite catch what he's saying.

Feeling old

It's like I woke up one day and I was this "mature" woman, dealing with all these aches and pains. And I've got wrinkles, and dry skin. Now to top it all off, I'm a divorced "mature" woman.

I'm a 38-year-old divorcee with a bad knee and hip, wrinkles, dry skin, and I think I see the beginnings of old-lady hands :-/

Who's going to want me now? Am I doomed to spend the rest of my nights alone with only my furry family to cuddle with? Will I ever find love again?

How did I end up here?

Divorced

It's official. Judge signed the papers today. I am a divorced woman.

I was a little surprised at how sad I suddenly became when the clerk handed me back the papers. I suppose I should expect to be sad after 17 years together, but this divorce means nothing but good things for me, so I thought I'd be more happy at that moment.

Distraction

I am extremely distracted lately. Having a hard time focusing on anything. My mind keeps wandering to subjects that have nothing to do with work, or school.

Until I get this stuff resolved I know I'm pretty much useless for any focused thinking. Thankfully, it should all be resolved pretty soon.

I find uncertainty to be very disconcerting. I'd rather know the answer, even if it's not the one I hoped for, than wonder endlessly. Once you know, you can act on that knowledge and move forward. Until then you're in limbo. I don't like limbo.

Looking good

As of this morning, I have lost 26 pounds, and am down 2 pant sizes. This is within the space of about 5 months. The loss is a combination of a vegan diet, exercising a minimum of 30 minutes, 3 times a week, and the elimination of most sodas and sweetened drinks.

I've stopped eating emotionally, because I'm no longer trying to swallow down the frustration and anger that was such a big part of my life during the last few years of my marriage. Most of that left with my ex-husband.

I'm feeling great, and looking pretty good too!

People amaze me

I'm getting a divorce. I'm getting a divorce because my husband of almost 17 years decided to take a road trip on his motorcycle and find himself. Apparently he found himself in the mountains of New Mexico. Says he belongs there, that it just feels right. It doesn't get any more cliche than that. It's not like we both didn't know the marriage was on its last legs anyways, but we had committed to working on it when he came back. In truth, he did me a huge favor, because I'm happier now than I have been in a long, long time.

Of course this was all back in April and May. So he came back in July, rented a big-ass Uhaul and towed away a bunch of his stuff. He was here for two weeks, had the Uhaul for one, and yet didn't manage to take everything with him.

A couple of weeks ago he called to ask me to bring him the trailer he left here with some more of his stuff on it. He actually wanted me to tow the trailer up to New Mexico for him. When that didn't work out for him, he started asking me to ship him stuff... first one of the boom boxes, then could I put a mallet he left behind in there, and oh yeah, there's a project he was working on - could I send that with the other stuff... One thing after the other.

The prize-winner was last night when he left me a message that he wanted me to send him his scroll saw. A scroll saw. That thing is big and bulky and heavy. What next, the band saw? Or maybe the drill press? How about I just pack the whole shop up and ship it next day air?

I told him no. He got pissy. I let him.

So far so good

Well, I've managed to get up and go do my training twice this week. Of course I had to publicly commit myself to doing it before I managed to get myself going. But hey, at least I'm doing it.

I took it a lot easier on the jogging intervals this morning - actually jogging rather than running - and I was able to make it through all of the intervals. I'm beginning to have hope that I'll be able to get all the way through this program to running/jogging a 5k. I've never been in that kind of shape before... it would be great to do it at 38.

At the very least, I'll feel better physically and mentally at the end of it. I'll probably look better too, which would be a plus, but isn't really the goal.

Newest member of the family

His name is Han Solo - Solo for short. He was the only one of his litter to survive so someone suggested Solo and since I'm such a geek, Han Solo he became :D

Training for a 5K

Started a beginner's training program that's supposed to have me ready to run a 5K in 10 weeks. You're supposed to alternate jogging with walking, and I think I was more running than jogging so my heart rate really got up there after 3 intervals of that. I walked briskly for the rest of the way, and I'll scale it back more for Tuesday's workout.

I feel really good though, and I feel like this is the start of getting me back into a regular workout schedule. I always feel better when I am, but it's just so hard to get started.

The training regimen I'm using comes from coolrunning.com, and it's called Couch to 5K. It's a 10-week program so hopefully by November I'll be ready to run a 5K.