Application submitted this morning

And now I must wait...

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gallbladder Gone

Yesterday I had my gallbladder removed. Surgeon said everything went smoothly. I have color pictures of my insides now, which is kinda cool... liver looks good and healthy too!

It was a laproscopic surgery, so there's just 4 small incisions, and one is in my bellybutton. I'm really sore around the incisions, but other than that, no discomfort. So far I haven't even had trouble with the gas that they said I might.

So now I get to sit around my house on painkillers for the next couple of weeks while I heal up. Probably a good time to catch up on my reading for my classes, but I'm working on putting together a portfolio to apply for a staff photographer position at an animal sanctuary instead. It's a big change, and it scares me, but everything tells me I should go for it - so I am.

Surgery Thursday

It's funny, the things your mind dwells on. I'm having laproscopic surgery Thurs. It's just an in-and-out day surgery, but there's always the chance something might happen.

While I am surprisingly calm about the procedure, I found myself thinking today about who would tell my online friends if something were to happen. They'd have no idea for days, weeks maybe. I'd just stop posting. Some may wonder where I'm at, but most would quickly forget about me.

The mind is a funny thing, isn't it?

Random beauty

The grasses in the landscaping around my building have begun to go to seed, creating these wonderful lacey fronds that swirl softly with the wind.

Transitioning from anger to sorrow

I've been very sad the last week or so, and I realized yesterday that it's because I'm finally letting go of my anger towards my ex. Once the anger began to subside, the pain and sorrow started to surface. My anger was burning so hotly that no other feelings could survive. Now that it's cooling off, other feelings are coming through.

Ending a 17 year relationship isn't like flipping a switch... He was such a huge part of my life, and now he's gone. Even though things weren't that great toward the end, they weren't horrible either. There were still good times, even then. And I still love him. That's not to say I want to be married to him - I don't - but I do still love him.

Feeling pretty sorry for myself lately

This is going to be another whiney post, I can feel it. But if I can't whine here, where can I?

Saturday would have been my 17th anniversary, and it has hit me a little harder than I imagined it would. I was fine Saturday because I kept busy with friends, but yesterday and today have been difficult. I'm just so conflicted right now. In so many ways I am much happier now than I was when I was married. But there are things about it I miss so much. I miss the physical contact - and I'm not talking about sex (although I do miss that too). Mostly I miss the safety and comfort of having his arms around me when I really needed a hug. I miss cuddling on the couch watching movies. I miss knowing that there was someone waiting at home for me.

I thought I had a partner to share the rest of my life with, and it's the loss of that security that I'm mourning as much as anything else. And the loss of one of my best friends. The worst part of it is that the person who would normally hold me and comfort me in times like this, is the reason I feel this way in the first place.